October 15....... A special day for many.... while a number of people will just think of it as a normal day. A day many will take an extra special moment to remember...... when others will just go about their day.
October 15, every October 15, is a day to remember. To think about what could have been. What should have been. A day to look back at what was lost. To honor what was taken away. To hold close to our hearts what we can not hold in our arms.
October 15.......... Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. A day to remember the babies we have lost due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, still birth or the loss of an infant.
For us, we will be remembering our babies, lost to miscarriage, only 5 months apart. Both of our babies (nick named "Lima Bean" and "Baby Heart") had confirmed heart beats. Both of our babies were not strong enough to make it. Both of our babies grew their wings at 7.5 weeks and 6 weeks gestation. **This month marked the 5th anniversary of our "Lima Bean". Who officially left us on October 3, 2006 (9 weeks pregnant) following a needed D&C after experiencing a "missed miscarriage."**
(Our memory garden for our angels. Each stone has their nick name and the year they earned their wings.)
So tonight, I will light three candles. To our sweet, sweet angels who watch over Pooker and Kit Kat every day. Our angel babies who gave up their strength, so we could have our earth angels...... Our angels looking down on us "Lima Bean, Baby Heart and Twin." Mommy loves you. I think about you every day. Not a day goes by that I don't think, wish, hope, (and yes) pray about holding you. Not a day goes by that I don't thank you for what you have done and continue to do for the people you have not even met....Your mommy, daddy and sisters. We will not forget. Today and every day we remember. One day we will met. Until then........
My heart goes out to those who have experienced a loss.... or losses. Either way you look at it...... the loss of a child (at any age) is so much more than "just" a loss. It is the loss of a dream. A loss of what should have been. What could have been. What NEEDED to be.
Please light a candle on October 15 at 7 pm, A Wave of Light. If everyone does this for one hour.... then there will be a continuous "Wave of Light" over the entire world. Mine will be lit.... will yours?
The one thing that helped process our losses.... was this single song. It still holds a major part of my heart and certain days, when I hear it, I still cry. I would base my good days and my bad days on this song. If I could play this song and sign the whole thing without crying.... it was a good day. If I could not..... I would play it over and over again.... some days I played it 20 times a day. I felt this song was telling our story. Each of our lost angels. My husband and I. We all had to "move on."
The first verse (to me) was me signing to our babies. The second verse was our babies singing to me. A very emotional song.... But one I love dearly.
Rascal Flatts. "I'm movin' on."