.......and I do not mean a good breastfeeding support bra!
I have had some fun with my posts recently.... because.... well it is fun! We all need some fun.... it helps make the non fun times a bit easier to swallow (yes... pun intended "swallow".) **see... FUN!**
But I want to take a minute and be a bit serious.
When I started Mummie's Nummies..... my goal was to spread support to as many Mummies as I could reach. But sometimes...... all support is not treated equally. It is OOOOOOBER important to get the correct support to as many Mummies as possible. If the wrong kind of "support" is given, then it is not really support. It might as well be a negative comment from a passerby, or a "death to you for NIP'ing" look from a stranger.
If you are going to give support, that comes with a warning...... it might not be the best support. I recently heard someone give "advice" and warned that what they were about to say might make people angry. They continued to tell people not to claim to be a victim (if they could not breastfeed) because they can breastfeed.
Breastfeeding (in MOST cases) is not easy. Lord knows I have been racked through the breastfeeding leaves MANY times with BOTH of my girls. Some people even told me that I should just stop. That it could be easier (for me) if I did. Now, me being the stubborn Mummie that I am...... I did not give up. I soldiered on. I know (with all of my heart) that these people (who offered this "advice") did so in order to help me. I do not fault them in any way. I actually believe that they helped me continue on....that's me being stubborn again.
But it is the comments that seem to make a Mummie, who struggled with breastfeeding, feel guilty about stopping that upset me.
As natural as breastfeeding is, as pro-breastfeeding as I AM...... not every Mummie can do it. Not every Mummie has the support they need when times get tough. Bad/negative support is no support at all. Not every Mommy WANTS to breastfeed.
Some Mummies have supply issues, health issues, other medical issues.... some Nummie Lovers have health and medical issues...... not every one can do it. I know that. Just because some one is unable to breastfeed (or chooses not to) does not make them a bad person. It does not mean that they love their baby any less. It most certainly does not make them a bad parent.
To make someone feel guilty or to attack them is not the way to bring positive support to breastfeeding. It is not going to make the Mummie turn around and say "Yeah, you know what you are right! I am a horrible person for not breastfeeding. I am horrible for not giving my baby the best I can. Man I am a horrible person!" No.... it will only make them not listen to anything you have to say, and it might even give them a negative view (on breastfeeding) if they were faced with the chance again. What good is that?
I, for one, am tired of the breastfeeding vs formula feeding battle. Is breastmilk best? For most, yes it is. Is formula evil? No, it is not. Does breastfeeding make you a better mommy? No. Is formula feeding dangerous? No, not when it is prepared correctly and given correctly. It comes down to circumstance or choice. Are your circumstance allowing you to breastfeed and do you choose to breastfeed or formula feed? Just because someone formula feeds does NOT make them lazy. Just because someone breastfeeds does NOT make them some tree hugging hippie who thinks they are better than everyone else (no offense to the tree hugging hippies.) How we raise our children is what makes us who we are as parents. Not how we feed them. The judging comes from both sides of the table. The breastmilk vs formula judging needs to stop. Love your children, do your best as a parent. That is what matters.
I do not feel that all non successful breastfeeding Mummies play any victim card. I also think that most of these Mummies do not sit back and dwell on it. They fed their babies to the best of their ability. It is not up to us (pro breastfeeding Mummies) to judge them. All we can do is offer the (correct) kind of support and aid them in any (positive and non judgmental) way we can. Now I said "NOT ALL".... there are exceptions to what I just said. Those exceptions can not be changed. When someone is stuck in their ways (for any reason)... they can not be changed. Trust me. Let me explain, I grew up with an emotionally abusive father who to this day chooses to think I do not exist.... He is an exception that can not be changed, deeply stuck in his ways. I am NOT comparing my father to anyone. Luckily, he is his own person. I was just using him as an example.
So what am I saying? Don't make anyone feel guilty. Don't judge a Mummie for either "giving up" or for choosing another way. That Mummie still needs support. We create our own guilt and we do not need any help with that. Always remember..... "NO Mummie should be left behind."
**Okay.... I am done. You may now resume your web surfing!**