There are a few things that make me sad (okay well more than a few) and a few things that make me want to jump into a protective crouch and growl (Oh OKAY! More than a few things.) I came across one of these "things" last week and I felt myself BOTH saddened and growling. I will explain why I am re posting this blog post a little later....
It all started fairly "innocent" with the photo below, posted on a Breastfeeding Support Facebok page.
I will admit... I giggled. The thought of "producing" formula the way we produce Nummies.... it is funny. BUT then the comments began to ride the "non supportive train."
You see, one of our Mummies (an AWESOME Mummie who I have texted back and forth with MANY times, in hopes to help her continue to reach her goal) commented this:
"I understand what you are trying to do here BUT it kinda pokes fun at those of us who really don't produce enough milk for our babies."
I instantly felt for her. You see, her Nummie Lover (just shy of 9 months) decided he was done with his Nummies. After almost 8 months of supply issues and previous Nummie Lover's not lasting as long as this Mummie had hoped.... this was very upsetting. This Mummie did ALL she could, but she still felt that her body had failed her once again. (Though this is not the case... she did a FANTABULOUS job and should be incredibly proud of her achievements.
But this is where the post gets a bit....errr....ummm.... "protective crouch" worthy.
Below are the comments from other Mummies (not My Mummies.... but other breastfeeding ladies):
"Not the best. We shouldn't make this a bf vs ff thing." (THANK YOU to this Mummie! That is a very supportive response. The ones below.... not so much.)
"I thnk those that truly cant prodce enough milk should be grown up enough to not be offended. Because the.reality is "i didnt have enough milk" xcuse is worn out and really over.used. Most women that say.that .... Do so before their milk even comes in. And most r not producing enough milk due.to a breastfeeding management issue....nothing rally preventng them from producing enough milk. Women that truly cant produce enough should be.offended w its over use as.an excuse and celebrate this tongue in cheeck button."
"most women who claim (no, not all, but yes most) who claim they cant and dont produce enough milk is simply because they didnt put the true effort into it, they didnt have enough support, and were uneducated on the matter, and listen greedy misinformed dr's..... as well as supplementing and NOT nursing on demand instead following a schedule.... I too get extremely tired of the whole i cant produce enough milk excuse and ive honestly known several women personally who after being taught correctly realized that that wanst the case after all, it was poor breastfeeding management as said in the above comment. for all the women nowadays who cant "produce enough" milk, i'll tell ya what..... if that had of been the case 150 years agos well then wet nurses wouldve been the top number one job for women those days and it wasnt simply said..... much love to all you women out there who truelly do have this issue!! ♥ but tisk tisk to all those who use it as an excuse!! just saying"
"the more you nurse WITHOUT supplementing, the more ya make.... supply and demand"
Below is my response. (Okay pardon the "Last Nummie Session" and the "Rock your Nipples Off" comment.... like I said "crouch position worthy.")
"okay I read them all. What a load of crap. You did all you could... and even if you didn't (which I know you did) it is not our place to judge anyone. If we are truly breastfeeding supporters, then we would try to help in any way we can without passing judgement.We would support the Mummie in her struggles without making her feel bad. Do some women say they couldn't bf (without really trying)? Sure I am sure they do. (you **Name withheld** are not one of those Mummies.) But it really does not matter in the end. All we can do is get the word out, get the support out there as well as the education and hope for the best. This whole "you didnt try hard enough" crap is bad mojo. And I will not stand for one of my Mummies being attacked. You can bet your last Nummie Session I will post on that post as well. Hugs to all of "my" Mummies (I call you all that... "My Mummies") you all rock your little nipples out and I support you!!!!! My readers (aka my Mummies) know I support them in every way. If they need help I do what I can, if they need a shoulder to cry on.... they have one. If they have to supplement then I help them with that as well. If a Nummie Lover decided at 9 months they are "done" then it was their choice. It is awesome that (Name withe held) gave it another go when her previous babies (aka Nummie Lovers) and her had horrible breastfeeding experiences. The fact that she wanted to try again should be congratulated. She went longer with her son than her first two daughters and that is a huge milestone."
This is where the blog post comes in. We need to "check" ourselves every once in a while, when it comes to what we say and just how we say it. Telling a Mummie that supplementing is "bad" probably isn't the best thing in the world to say. Telling them that "low supply" issues are rare is a good tid bit of info..... but when this Mummie has had two previous Nummie Lovers with the same supply issue.... maybe that isn't the right thing to say. All Mummies are not created equally, so therefor all advice isn't either. So ALAS, here is my Breastfeeding Support post that I wanted to re-share with you.
You all (My Mummies) have a special place in my heart, yes you.....you in the back of the room with your finger silently pointing to yourself.... YOU! And I feel a bit protective when I know one of you is being treated unfairly. Call it "Mummie Bear" Syndrome or what ever you would like. I just plain don't like it.
Hugs to you!
**Originally posted on December 7, 2011**
.......and I do not mean a good breastfeeding support bra!
I have had some fun with my posts recently.... because.... well it is fun! We all need some fun.... it helps make the non fun times a bit easier to swallow (yes... pun intended "swallow".) **see... FUN!**
But I want to take a minute and be a bit serious.
When I started Mummie's Nummies..... my goal was to spread support to as many Mummies as I could reach. But sometimes...... all support is not treated equally. It is OOOOOOBER important to get the correct support to as many Mummies as possible. If the wrong kind of "support" is given, then it is not really support. It might as well be a negative comment from a passerby, or a "death to you for NIP'ing" look from a stranger.
If you are going to give support, that comes with a warning...... it might not be the best support. I recently heard someone give "advice" and warned that what they were about to say might make people angry. They continued to tell people not to claim to be a victim (if they could not breastfeed) because they can breastfeed.
Breastfeeding (in MOST cases) is not easy. Lord knows I have been racked through the breastfeeding leaves MANY times with BOTH of my girls. Some people even told me that I should just stop. That it could be easier (for me) if I did. Now, me being the stubborn Mummie that I am...... I did not give up. I soldiered on. I know (with all of my heart) that these people (who offered this "advice") did so in order to help me. I do not fault them in any way. I actually believe that they helped me continue on....that's me being stubborn again.
But it is the comments that seem to make a Mummie, who struggled with breastfeeding, feel guilty about stopping that upset me.
As natural as breastfeeding is, as pro-breastfeeding as I AM...... not every Mummie can do it. Not every Mummie has the support they need when times get tough. Bad/negative support is no support at all.
Some Mummies have supply issues, health issues, other medical issues.... some Nummie Lovers have health and medical issues...... not every one can do it. I know that. Just because some one is unable to breastfeed does not make them a bad person. It does not mean that they love their baby any less. It most certainly does not make them a bad parent.
To make someone feel guilty or to attack them is not the way to bring positive support to breastfeeding. It is not going to make the Mummie turn around and say "Yeah, you know what you are right! I am a horrible person for not breastfeeding. I am horrible for not giving my baby the best I can. Man I am a horrible person!" No.... it will only make them not listen to anything you have to say, and it might even give them a negative view (on breastfeeding) if they were faced with the chance again. What good is that?
I do not feel that all non successful breastfeeding Mummies play any victim card. I also think that most of these Mummies do not sit back and dwell on it. They fed their babies to the best of their ability. It is not up to us (pro breastfeeding Mummies) to judge them. All we can do is offer the (correct) kind of support and aid them in any (positive and non judgmental) way we can.
If we do that and they either choose not to breastfeed or feel they are unable to continue...... we gave it our best shot.
Don't make anyone feel guilty. Don't judge a Mummie for either "giving up" or for choosing another way. That Mummie still needs support. And "NO Mummie should be left behind."
**Okay.... I am done. You may now resume your web surfing!**