(Moments after being born... see... WIDE eyed)
(1 day old)
(10 days old. The white and black wires are connected to her chest and to the monitor that would sound when she stopped breathing. Oh yeah, and that is me too.)
Her extreme shyness that lasted for 2 years, the sweet moments only we saw, her silliness we call "Pooker'isms".... everything has been collecting, building to this moment. This day I never thought was coming, the day that was sooooo far in the future...... that is was so out of reach/out of mind. BUT this morning I found the day was here, and I was not ready.
Today my Pooker, the original Nummie Lover started Pre-K.
(Here she is with her big girl book bag and big girl lunch box. Her smile was contagious as was her excitement.)
We have been working for a week now on what to expect on her first big day. She understood that Mommy, Daddy and Sissy would drop her off, at school, but we would come and pick her up. (I even offered a special trip to McDonald's for lunch!)
She woke up this morning with such excitement. She told me "Mommy, I big enough now! I can go to school today!" Then she ran into Kit Kat's room (thankfully she was already awake) and said "KK I am big enough, I can go to school today. You can't, you're not big enough. But we can go to McDonald's after school!" Kit Kat then said "and Mickey too?" (For some reason she thinks McDonald's is where Mickey Mouse lives....maybe she is thinking Donald Duck? I don't know! hehe)
Pooker then asked me "Mommy, will you miss me?" I responded "Of course I will, my love." Pooker: "It's okay Mommy, I will be back."
OH my big girl! What happened! Where did my baby go?
She is acting like she is all ready to leave me.... LEAVE ME! MEEEEE! ME
How did that happen?
I am happy to announce that as we walked into her classroom, my shy Pooker had returned. She no longer was Little Miss Big Girl, as she clung to my leg. This lasted for about 5 minutes..... then she realized her favorite cousin, Cooper, was there too. (The reason she is in this classroom...... the best way to get her used to not being with Mommy...... give her to "Peeper"..as she calls Cooper.)
We said our goodbyes and gave hugs and kisses. We waited until she had her back to us (playing with "Peeper") and we left. (Okay well I say "left" but I hung outside the door......waiting. Waiting for a sign, a cry, a whimper, anything.) But there was nothing. So I took a few more steps.... and repeated the above "leaving" process.
With my chin quivering...... I followed my husband and Kit Kat out the door and down the steps. Listening to Kit Kat say "That not fair!" as her legs were too short to easily manage the steps. (hehe....)
We all (minus Pooker) got in MeeMee (the mini van) and I sat there for a few seconds. "Are you going to be okay?" my husband asked. "Yup." More chin quivering. "Oh man..." he responded.
Yes, I did put MeeMee in reverse and drive away. (It took everything I had.) Only to hear my husband say "That window is her classroom. She is in that window.".......More chin quivering and nose sniffs.
It is now 15 minutes before we leave to pick her up...... I feel like I have ants in my pants. Kit Kat has been asking "Where's Josy?" all morning. She is not used to this change either. OH MAN!! I just realized....I will have to go through this with Kit Kat?! OH HECK NO! How much is the "stop the whole growing process" bubble and where can I get it?!
** Disclaimer. I have worked with children most of my working life. I have been the teacher who calmed the sad and grieving parents. I have been the one to assure them that their baby would be safe (with me.) But their baby was in my care.... I knew they would be safe. But now... I am that parent. I am the one who is freaking out. My baby is in someone else's hands. Someone else is taking care of Pooker, keeping her safe, teaching her. It is my turn to put my first most precious cargo in someone else's hands. As a parent.... that is one of the hardest things to do.**
Our world just got a whole lot bigger.
Time to go get my baby..... I think I will be waiting in the car line for a while...... I see us being pretty early! (Or running in the building screaming "WHERE'S MY BABY POOKER?!!!")